Learn Some Fucking Manners!

conversation noun (/ˌkɑnvɚˈseɪʃən/) Expression and exchange of individual ideas through talking with other people; also, a set instance or occasion of such talking.

So, you ignorant motherfuckers, that “exchange” thing only works when the other person can actually get a word in. Therefore, if you’re talking to me, kindly learn to shut the fuck up, and don’t monopolize the fucking conversation. Jesus, Allah, Buddha, and motherfucking Vishnu, how the fuck am I supposed to reply when you’re just spewing a motherfucking pile of sounds out of your mouth that are tangentially related to what we’re talking about at best? Motherfucker, you best learn to shut up, and quick, because you’re wasting my time and yours.

I mean, let’s say you ask me a question. I can answer it, and we can be done, but you choose to load up a fuckton of bullshit explanation and exposition to your question that will have no fucking bearing on my response. Why not just cut it? Why tell me this shit? I don’t fucking care. Shut up, shut up, shut up! Even worse, I’m trying to answer your question, or respond to your statement, and you talk the fuck over me with more bullshit. Sometimes, you might even ask me about something I was about to fucking address. Be patient, wait for me to fucking finish, and I’ll fucking get to it! Also, please stop repeating yourself. I got what you said; if I didn’t, I’d fucking ask your stupid ass to repeat it.

Do these things, please, and conversation with me can be a lot more pleasant. Don’t and I will rip out your fucking larynx. Got me?

You have a request of me. Fine. I have a request of you: ask me fucking nicely, you fucking blob of snot. If you want me to do anything for you, you better include the fucking word “please” with your request, or I will fucking ignore you… if you’re lucky. Do you know why “please” is considered the “magic word?” It’s because saying “please” to someone is polite. Saying it shows that you have an understanding of what your question implies, that you’re either interrupting someone, or imposing on someone. Acceptable substitutes do exist for please, such as: “pardon me,” “would you mind,” and “I would appreciate it if”. If you do not use these phrases, or even “please,” then fuck you. Also, don’t use them sarcastically. I’ll make sure you regret it.

More importantly, if I complete your request, or even just try, you better fucking thank me. Why? It’s polite. It shows you care, it shows you’re grateful. I don’t care if it’s sincere or not, but it sure better fucking sound sincere. “Oh, thanks,” in a dismissive, sarcastic manner is worse than not saying anything at all, because you’re clearly communicating your lack of consideration for me and what I do. How would you like it if the tables were turned, you stupid shit? I make you bust your ass for me, and don’t even thank you. Would you be upset? I bet you fucking would. So don’t pull that shit with me, or someone else. Fucking rude shitstans.