Learn Some Fucking Manners!

Oh fuck, why can’t you people respect someone else’s fucking property? I mean, what the fuck, didn’t your parents teach you anything about how to take care of things? Did you kill every fucking pet you ever had or something? Look, if I lend you something, anything, it damn well better come back in the same condition that I gave it to you in. Don’t you dare fucking chew on my pen, don’t you dare fucking tear a page of my book, and don’t you even fucking consider the vaguest possibility of fucking up my cooking utensils and dishes. I’m looking at you, motherfucker.

Why can’t you fucking retards do this? I’m capable of returning an item that’s been borrowed in good condition. Maybe it’s because my mother was a librarian’s assistant, so I had this shit beat into me from an early age. You borrow something, you give it back, and you give it back in the same condition. This is fucking preschool shit. You should have learned it then. Oh, even more importantly, if you borrow something and the person needs it back by a certain time, you damn well better fucking give it back by then. Why? Simple: it’s not fucking yours, dumbshit.

Here’s the thing, if you want to treat your shit like it’s actual shit, go ahead. Your shit is something you’re free to use/abuse at will, because you fucking own it. It’s your property. If you buy a fucking $3000 guitar and smash it up, that’s your own prerogative. It worked for fucking Pete Townshend after all. However, when you’re dealing with shit that isn’t yours, especially my shit, you better treat it like a fucking holy relic. Do not allow it to become dirty, marred, damaged, or anything. You take better care of it than you take your own shit, because it’s just fucking right. It’s fucking right because the thing you are handling does not belong to you. Your access to it is a privilege, and—like all privileges—can be fucking revoked at will.

Finally, if shit happens, and you can’t return an item in the right condition, there’s an easy and simple way to deal with it: replace it. That’s right, open your wallet, and spend your own money to replace the object with a new one. At the very least, you can clean or repair it, but if it’s something really fucking major, you damn fucking well better replace the fucking thing, or I will take it out on your fucking gonads, you inconsiderate, selfish sack of fucking vomit. This shit is why I don’t lend stuff out any more. I’m not a fucking library.