Learn Some Fucking Manners!

As a corollary to my previous post on people who are fucking jerks to people who work in the service sector, I would now like to take a moment to call out the folks who work in service sector, who are fucking incompetent and/or rude at their jobs. Honestly, it’s very fucking hard to defend service workers as a group, when people like you give the entire profession such a bad reputation. I know that few people actually want a job where they’re on the front lines of customer relations. Nobody says, “I wanna be a cashier when I grow up!” or “I wanna work in Tech Support!” People fall into those gigs, more often by fate or futility than anything else. It’s not a dream job, but it’s a fucking valid way to make a living. That doesn’t give you fucking carte blanche to be fucking incompetent at your job, and be a pain in the ass to your customers.

To make matters worse, I’ve fucking been on both sides of the counter, and both sides of the phone. I’ve worked retail, and I’ve worked shitty phone jobs. The last thing I wanted in both of those situations is to have some rude, clueless employee with their head up their fucking ass, and a gigantic attitude ruin my fucking day by being themselves. For fuck’s sake, the whole reason they pay you is to make the process of getting what I want a shitload easier. Don’t act like it’s a fucking imposition just because you have to fucking do your job for a change.

Here’s a few simple tips from someone who’s worked behind the counter and on the phone to avoid being an insult to the often maligned workers in the service sector.

1. Be polite. Smile, if possible. Say hello. Speak slowly, and clearly. You will be fucking amazed how much this helps. If someone comes up to you at the counter, and they clearly have a chip on their shoulder, being polite can actually fucking disarm them—and don’t be condescending. That’s a sure fire way to get a shitty tip, if you’re lucky.
2. If you’re having a conversation with your co-worker, quit it. If you’re chatting during your downtime, and fuck knows you guys can have a shitload of downtime, sometimes, fine. Thing is, as soon as a fucking customer walks through the door, you need to be on your fucking game. It’s your fucking job.
3. Know your fucking job. If it’s obvious that you’re new, it’ll show, and people will probably let it slide. However, if you’ve been there for ages, and still need to call over your manager for simple shit, it’ll piss off the entire fucking line. I can pin at least part of this on shitty training by shitty managers, but you need to put in some fucking effort, too.
4. Thank the customer for their patronage. Be sincere, or at least learn how to fucking fake it. You have no idea how fucking good a sincere “thank you” can be to someone used to dealing with employees who are rude, selfish, clueless, incompetent and clinically braindead.
5. Don’t monopolize our time, either. Please, keep conversation to a fucking minimum, and do what you have to do quickly. We might have a schedule to keep, and have to rush. Holding us up does you, and us, no fucking favors.
6. PAY. ATTENTION. TO. WHAT. WE. SAY. Nothing infuriates me quite like having to repeat myself multiple times when I’m trying to work with you on a simple task, like ordering a fucking cheeseburger. I said, “Cheeseburger with no mayo,” so don’t ask if I want mayo. Fucking christ, your brain works, right? Use it.
7. Don’t fucking lie to us. There’s never a goddamn time or a place for fucking dishonesty in a business relationship. Lying by omission counts, too. I’d rather hear you tell me the sad truth about something than watch you lie through your fucking teeth, either from apathy or direct order.

Christ, just do your motherfucking job correctly, and to the best of your ability.

By the by, this shit even extends to telemarketers. Yes, I know telemarketers are doing what they have to to fucking pay the fucking bills, keep a roof over their heads, and keep their stomachs full. I’ve been one, damn it. If you, call us, and we aren’t interested, then please, let it go. Ask, again politely, if you must, but take “No,” for an answer, damn it. If we want to be off the list, just fucking do it. Also, if you’re calling with an organization we already do business with, then you’re going to be in deep shit if you fuck with us. Think about it.