Get the Fuck Out of My Way
Do your limbs function? You might need some assistance, but if your limbs maintain more than 50% of their healthy function, you can easily do something that will make my life a lot easier: move. Damn it, people, you need to get the fuck out of my goddamn way, or I will fucking knock you the fuck over. Exceptions to the above exist: old people who can’t move fast, people carrying heavy shit, and anyone in a wheelchair. Otherwise, if you’re reasonably healthy and can move, fucking do so. When I need to get to a place at speed, then fucking move, and make it fast.
As a corollary to my public transportation rant, do not ever, ever, ever block the fucking doors on the subway, unless it’s really that fucking crowded. And, you know what, here’s a bonus tip: you can step off the subway train, let someone off, and step back on. To make sure the doors don’t close on you, put your hand on the door. It won’t close if your arm is in the way. Fucking move so that people can get off, and so that people can get on.
While we’re at it, in any sort of public space where people are walking, try whenever possible to maintain a speed that allows for others to fucking move. It’s like driving, in a way. The fuckshit going 50 miles per hour in the slow lane holds up every other fucking car on the road. Same for you when you’re walking down the middle of the fucking sidewalk like your legs can’t bend. Move the fuck over. I used to play street hockey. I will fucking cross-check your ass into the fucking wall. This shit is really egregious when you’re in a fucking crowded or confined space, like a fucking hallway, or in a fucking shopping mall. Some of us have schedules to keep, some of us are running late, some of us just don’t have fucking time to fucking deal with your slow-ass fucking bullshit!
Of course, one slow person can piss me off, but groups of slow people drive me fucking insane. Walking two or more abreast down a narrow sidewalk? How about I just fucking barrel through you like you’re fucking wall of flesh, and I’m a fucking Crash Test Dummy in my invisible car. Boom. Fuck you, get the fuck out of my way, because I need to get somewhere. Why the fuck do you need to walk side-by-side in such a large group, anyway? You’re not going to be having a good fucking conversation or some shit—you’re fucking walking. Move faster, get out of my way.