Pedestrians Have the Right of Way
This is in every motherfucking Driver’s Ed textbook. If you got your driver’s license, at least if you got it legally, you would know this. Honestly, though, it doesn’t seem to stop you. Pedestrians have the fucking right of way. End of fucking story. Very few things piss me off more than when I try to cross a fucking street, only to have to stare down an oncoming car that’s barreling down the street, as if they don’t expect to come across someone actually trying to cross.
I do my fucking part. I fucking stay in the crosswalk. I fucking wait for the fucking light to change, if there is one. I don’t jaywalk, at least not unless I’m damn sure there’s no traffic. I’ve already been hit by a car. Actually I’ve been hit three times. You fucking learn, damn it.1 So, I’m borderline paranoid when I attempt a crossing at an intersection without a light. When there’s no light, though, all fucking bets are off. Why? Because when you come to an intersection in a car, if there’s no light, you’re supposed to fucking stop anyway. That’s why they have those big fucking red signs there, the ones shaped like an octagon, and with “STOP” in big, white letters that you can see from a mile away. You fucking stop at an intersection, you don’t just barrel through. This is, again, so pedestrians like myself can safely cross.
Not only that, but you’re supposed to start stopping before you reach the crosswalk. You see, your car isn’t actually supposed to fucking be in the fucking crosswalk. It’s illegal. You’re blocking people, like me, from crossing safely. I’m not walking out into the flow of traffic to get run over because you’re too fucking distracted or stupid to realize you need to fucking stop. Go fuck yourself. I ought to walk over the fucking hood of your car, maybe jump on it to dent the fucking thing, so you have to take it to a body shop. Good luck getting your insurance to cover that, ‘cause it’s your own fucking fault, shithead. Also, if you’ve pulled so far into the crosswalk that your fucking back doors are in my way, they better be locked, or I’ll fucking open then and walk through your car, fuck-for-brains, and leave them open behind me. Now you’re holding everyone else up.
Then, there’s the dipshits who are trying to turn. Nothing gives me a laugh quite like walking though a green light, or indeed any situation where I have the right to cross, and some fuck tries to turn his car around the corner, and I get in their way. Guess you’ll have to wait, shithead. You’re supposed to make sure the intersection is clear before you start turning. Oh, wait, guess you didn’t. I really love the fuckers who honk their horn at me. I’ll fucking go slower just to piss you off, because you’re a rude fuck who deserves rudeness in return. I don’t give a rat’s ass that you’re encased in a ton of metal, plastic, and glass. The fucking law, and fucking courtesy says that you’re supposed to watch out for me, because I don’t have all that shit to protect me.
Remember: Pedestrians have the right of way. Unless I’m in the fucking crosswalk at a red light, then you have the right to run me the fuck over, and claim you never saw me.
1.The third time, the guy was fucking speeding in a school zone. I’m damn glad I wasn’t actually hurt. Seriously. The first two times were because I was young and dumb. The third one was the driver’s fault.