October 2011
1 post
Internet Manners
It’s rude, so very rude, to post on someone’s website without permission.
It is exceptionally rude to use someone else’s website as a way to advertise your fucking bullshit weight loss scam, making the fucking owner have to log in, change his fucking password, and delete your fucking shit smeared blog spam from the face of the Internet at large.
Go fuck your face with your...
How To Behave at a Concert
Later this month, I’ll be traveling to see my favorite band of all time perform a concert in New York City. Of course, rarely can I go to see a concert without some rude motherfucker, or more often, whole groups of motherfuckers, acting generally retarded and making shit difficult. Not that this will work, but I have prepared a short list of rules for basic concert etiquette. If one of you...
Make Your Fucking Brats Behave, Or Else
Recently, I had the extreme displeasure of dealing with a clueless woman’s bratty, hyperactive hellspawn on a recent trip to the grocery store. Oddly, I don’t run into this shit too often. The worst it usually gets is one loud, crying baby or toddler, maybe two on a bad day. I suppose I’m goddamn lucky in that regard. Of course, that sort of luck makes the egregiousness of this...
2 tags
Some People Have Problems
I would like to tell you all a little story about my bus ride home the other night. I climbed aboard my usual bus, and sat in my usual spot. Along the way, the bus stopped and picked up a man who clearly was suffering from a mental disorder, most likely schizophrenia, as he was rambling and ranting and raving out loud. Still, he possessed enough of his facilities to get on the bus to go...
July 2010
2 posts
Andy Ihnatko on E-Mail Manners →
A fucking great criticism of the lack of manners even in e-mail. If you think it’s annoying when people are “Expressing “thanks” and/or embracing a generally friendly tone;” in e-mail, you need to be bitchslapped.
1 tag
Fucking Update Your Blog, Asshole
Christ, this really pisses me off. You find a cool new website, you love the guy’s writing, you subscribe in your RSS reader or whatnot, and then after two weeks, it’s all done. They go for, what, three fucking months without updating? How fucking insulting is that? It shows an absolute goddamn lack of consideration for the larval audience. It shows that one simply doesn’t...
April 2010
15 posts
2 tags
You Suck at Trolling the Internet
In Internet years, I’m a fucking geezer. I’ve been busting my ass on the web since the fucking mid-90’s. Sure, there were plenty of people out there before me, but compared to some of the fucking retarded wastes of carbon that have access to the internet now, I’m older than fucking dirt. Let me tell you something about the olden days of the Internet: if we wanted to piss...
4 tags
Fucking Goddamn Mouthbreathers
Yeah, this is petty shit. Bite me. It’s still fucking gross as fuck to see someone walking down the street, with their fucking mouth hanging open. I mean, fuck me in the ass with a spiked dildo, and using my own boiling blood for lube, what is your goddamn fucking problem? At the very least, have the fucking courtesy to mop up your fucking saliva if you’re going to walk around like...
3 tags
A Real Reason to Fucking Hate Hipsters.
What the fuck is this shit?!
There’s lots of fucking hate on hipsters, and not all of it is justified. Oh, please don’t think I’m trying to defend those shallow, poorly dressed, socially retarded wastes of someone else’s trust fund. However, this shit, this fucking shit, just takes the fucking cake. It’s the fucking Census, not a fucking prelude to martial fucking...
2 tags
Please Shut the Fuck Up
conversation noun (/ˌkɑnvɚˈseɪʃən/) Expression and exchange of individual ideas through talking with other people; also, a set instance or occasion of such talking.
So, you ignorant motherfuckers, that “exchange” thing only works when the other person can actually get a word in. Therefore, if you’re talking to me, kindly learn to shut the fuck up, and don’t monopolize the...
2 tags
Say Fucking "Please" and Say Fucking "Thank You"
You have a request of me. Fine. I have a request of you: ask me fucking nicely, you fucking blob of snot. If you want me to do anything for you, you better include the fucking word “please” with your request, or I will fucking ignore you… if you’re lucky. Do you know why “please” is considered the “magic word?” It’s because saying...
2 tags
I Can't Trust You With My Shit
Oh fuck, why can’t you people respect someone else’s fucking property? I mean, what the fuck, didn’t your parents teach you anything about how to take care of things? Did you kill every fucking pet you ever had or something? Look, if I lend you something, anything, it damn well better come back in the same condition that I gave it to you in. Don’t you dare fucking chew on...
4 tags
You're Supposed to Fucking Help Them, Stop Being...
As a corollary to my previous post on people who are fucking jerks to people who work in the service sector, I would now like to take a moment to call out the folks who work in service sector, who are fucking incompetent and/or rude at their jobs. Honestly, it’s very fucking hard to defend service workers as a group, when people like you give the entire profession such a bad reputation. I...
4 tags
They're Trying to Fucking Help You, Stop Being...
Someone smarter than me once suggested that everyone should work at least a year in food service, retail, or tech support. Why? Because anyone who has ever worked in those jobs, (one hopes) gains some fucking respect for people who work them. At least in America, few people actually want a job where they’re on the front lines of customer relations. Nobody says, “I wanna be a cashier...
1 tag
Hey, Retard, Your Trash Goes Into This
You see this thing? This is a fucking trash can. If you have trash, or garbage, or waste, or anything of that sort, you fucking put it in one of these. When you put it in here, it gets it out of sight, keeps it from getting all over the place, and makes it easy for someone to dispose of it properly. Sometimes, you’ll find a container for recycling, which only is supposed to have certain...
2 tags
How To Fucking Use the Bathroom
Good god, are we in fucking pre-school here? What the fucking shit? This bit is such an absolute bullshit motherfucking cock-dribbling retarded monstrosity. I shouldn’t have to fucking write about something so motherfuckingly simple and basic. Then again, it’s said behind every cynic is a failed idealist, and you fucking overgrown monkeys have failed my ideals far too many times to...
1 tag
Read a Fucking Book
Okay, this shit has less to do with manners, and more about just fucking living. Few things piss me off more than people who don’t fucking read. Why? People who don’t read shit tend to be the dumbest, most arrogant (and I know arrogance), rudest, ignorant, and obnoxious pieces of shit that I ever have to deal with each day. Their brains are so atrophied and knowledge-starved, that they...
2 tags
Get the Fuck Out of My Way
Do your limbs function? You might need some assistance, but if your limbs maintain more than 50% of their healthy function, you can easily do something that will make my life a lot easier: move. Damn it, people, you need to get the fuck out of my goddamn way, or I will fucking knock you the fuck over. Exceptions to the above exist: old people who can’t move fast, people carrying heavy shit,...
2 tags
Pedestrians Have the Right of Way
This is in every motherfucking Driver’s Ed textbook. If you got your driver’s license, at least if you got it legally, you would know this. Honestly, though, it doesn’t seem to stop you. Pedestrians have the fucking right of way. End of fucking story. Very few things piss me off more than when I try to cross a fucking street, only to have to stare down an oncoming car...
1 tag
Some Fucking Rules About Public Transportation
I have the luxury, by living in a major metropolitan area, of having a half-decent public transportation system to get me around. I don’t own a car, but if I did, you could damn fucking well expect me to bitch and moan about shitty fucking drivers.1 It amazes me how people on the fucking bus or subway have no fucking clue how to behave on it. Christ on a fucking cracker, many of you people...
Alright, Listen Up You Fucking Morons
It’s come to my attention, by virtue of being a human being that’s forced to interact with other human beings in various circumstances, that far too many of you benightedly over-grown, hairless apes have no fucking clue how to comport yourself in society. What the fuck is wrong with you? Were you dropped on the head as an infant? Repeatedly? Were you not given enough love and attention...